A Novelist's Thoughts
by HKBlack
Summary: Yuki's POV He and Shuichi go to take some time off and he reflects on how he truly feels. YS and-Dare I say it-Fluffy--better than it sounds! R


**Edited:** I fixed some bugs and stuff...also got rid of the "structure" it just doesn't work as well outside of word sigh

**A/N:** Yeah ok, so I'm basically procrastinating on my other bigger story by doing a bunch of one shots. It is an Inuyasha one, and I haven't seen any new eps in awhile (cept I saw the movie recently! been watching 20,000 times a day, along with my Gravi DVD that I finally got!) so I've lost my muse for that story, and have met a new one for every other category on the face of the earth---well ok that's exaggerating isn't? '' I actually don't know where this came from, I just sat down and started typing...amazing ne?

**Title:** A Novelist's Thoughts  
**Rating:** Meh, PG/T whatever...there's some mention of sex in there...but it's really nothing.  
**Summary:** Yuki and Shuichi take a break together and go some where far from the city to get away from things. During this time Yuki goes into thought about Shuichi.  
**Warnings:** ...uhhh...shrug nothing really I guess...Yuki is kind OOC, but these are his deepest darkest thought's we're talking about here...very fluffy-ish-ness...-.-

**Enjoy!**

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I watch you run down the hill of flowers giggling with a small smile on my face. I knew you would like it here. It was time for us to get away from the havoc and chaos of the city and our day to day lives. Seeing you run down the hill like a child, filled with love and joy warms me inside.

I used to be like that.

Maybe I wasn't in as much love as you are now, but I used to be that innocent, that pure. I was happy. I loved life and everything about it, and I wanted nothing more than to just run down a hill. The rush that it gives you is unmatched, as they say, it's better than sex.

Of course, after meeting you, having you, for something to be better than sex is really hard.

Sure you lacked the skills at first, and it's still obvious that I'm the only one you've ever had—and it'll stay that way—but the feelings you give me. I feel like I'm on a cloud and nothing matters and it's not even from the pleasure I gain, but from just looking in your eyes, especially right after we're done, coming back own from climax. I'm amazed and-I admit-some what scared by it.

Did my eyes used to shine like your eyes do now?

Is that why he had to have me?

Sometimes I feel like I'm using you, only letting you in my bed so I can see if maybe I can understand the love you have for life and everything else. To see if I can maybe take some of your joy and have it as my own.

Did he want that from me?

You laugh and spin a few times falling down to inhale the scent of one of the white flowers by your feet.

God you're beautiful.

I would hate myself forever if I took away your joy, your happiness.

But I do it anyways, don't I?

I don't mean to, I'm just so scared at times. I know I can trust you, I know you love me, but I'm so scared to give myself to you. I tried at first to push you away, but you came back, why you even came to me in the first place is a wonder.

Now, now I guess I'm stuck with you aren't I?

I wouldn't have it any other way. I realize that I say things that I shouldn't say; I keep trying to push you away, but…

God, if you ever left me, I don't know what I would do.

I've cried for you. I know you don't know it, nobody does except for me, but I did. I have—in fact—cried many times because of you. I hate myself because of it, but I love you even more for it.

Why is it that my self hatred makes me love you more?

No, don't answer, I already know why. Despite everything that's wrong with me, despite everything I do to you, you still love me.

But why?

I'll never understand it really. Sometimes when we're together on the couch at home—yes our home—I'll fall into deep thought. And when I start thinking about how much I love you, and how I can't understand why you love me, you always look up and smile. You whisper those three little words and curl into me again.

One time, I was bold enough to ask why. You only laughed and looked back up at me. Than you called me beautiful.

Am I really that beautiful?

You're so confusing sometimes, but you're brilliant at the same time.

I would never tell you that of course.

Nobody would.

Everybody sees how smart you are, even though you barely made it through high school. Every one sees it. You don't need books and equations and complicated theories to be smart—I think he told me that once. You only proved it to be true.

You're brilliant, but simple minded. You're pure and innocent, but you love me.

And I can't understand why.

You call my name and I look down at you. You're jeans are a bit to big, and your shirt—which I know you got from the girls department—is a bit to small. You keep having to pull one up and the other down.

God I love you so much it hurts.

Tears burn behind my eyes and your smile disappears, turning into a worried frown. You take a small step up towards me and say my name again. You ask what the matter is and I simply shake my head as the gentle breeze plays with your pink locks. I look up to the sky and smile slightly.

You get so worried over me sometimes, and I'll never understand why.

Do you think you could answer my questions?

Why do you care? Why do you love? Why do smile? Why do you cry? Why do you make my heart race? Why do I cry over you? Why do you make me anxious when you're only five minutes late? Why do you stay with me despite all I do?

Why do you love me so much?

Why do I love you?

You say my name again and I look down at you with a small smile.

You're worried again; you're on the brink of tears just because something is wrong with me.

I remove cigarette from my mouth and put it out on the ground.

I'm in love with you, and it's scaring me.

I look back down at you as a smile-a real smile-crosses over my normally stone cold features. No one is around; it's just you and I. I let my inhibitions take over.

I think I scared you.

I ran down the hill with my arms open, heading right to you. I scoop you up and twirl you around laughing. You laugh too.

God I can't get over your laugh!

I pull you down-still spinning slowly-and kiss you. Lightly at first, but that it becomes more passionate.

I can't get over your kisses!

I finally stop spinning and I set you down. We pull back for air and you look up at me blushing slightly, but smiling.

I can't get over your smile.

I tell you, I tell you how happy I am. Your eyes become ten times brighter—I didn't think it was possible—and you're smile grows.

Mine does too.

I glance down the hill and smile at you widely and pull you into a hug and twirl you around again. The rush and excitement from running down still flowing through me.

Or is it the rush from being with you?

I place you down and you slightly stumble. We fall and roll down the hill together laughing. I finally land at the bottom,sprawled out, panting for breath. You land on top of me giggling. I look up at you and smile.

I can't get over you.

You say my name again, but I place a finger on your lips to silence you. I pull you into a hug and you say those three words, those words that make my heart fill with joy and make it feel like it's about to burst.

"I love you Yuki…"

I hold you tighter. Without thinking I reply this time.

"I love you too Shuichi…"

I love you, and that's that. No one can stop me. Not my memories, not my past, not my family, or what few friends I have left. I love you.

You look at me with tears in your eyes, smiling.

"Seriously?" I smile back and nod.

"Seriously…" I kiss you. You hold me tight.

I'll never leave you, I'll always love you. And now I know why.

I love you because you're so happy, I love you because you're so brilliant, I love you because your smile melts my heart, I love you because your laugh makes me smile, I love you because your eyes hold inspiration, I love you because you're the only one who cared enough...

You were the only one who cared enough to prove that I'm not some selfish, heartless jerk. You were the only one who cared enough to love me, and actually stick around to show that I love you too.

I know now, what it's like to be in love. No novel of mine—or of any novelists'—can truly describe what being in love is like.

I love you Shuichi Shindou—and I always will.

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Heh Yeah...I know...not very good. Like I said I have no idea where this came from! My mind attacked! So yeah...umm please please please Review! It really does help...even if it only turns out weird wacky stories like this -.- Thanks for taking the time to read it! 

**Live Love Learn And Watch Anime! HK**


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